My latest TV obsession is Dirt, starring Courteney Cox as the ruthless tabloid editor. In this week’s episode, reporters went to a small town to investigate the murder of a high school teenager.
Although this good girl and her boyfriend had made the abstinence pledge at church, turns out she was pregnant when she died. I half expected an immaculate conception theme, but thank God they didn't go there.
Her boyfriend is questioned and he insists she couldn’t have been pregnant. They had only done it, er, where the sun don't shine. Gross. Teens invented the idea of technical virginity. They will have oral sex, anal sex, and everything in between and still call themselves virgins. That’s bull!
Anyway, after I got over the shock of this admission on TV (thank God it wasn’t prime time), it made me think of all the ways women try to shortcut their celibacy.
We want to know what we can and can’t do. Whenever I’m asked what’s allowable during celibacy, I start getting very suspicious. This is a woman who wants to have her celibacy cake and eat it too. Not the best metaphor but hopefully you get the point.
Being sexual on a date is dangerous to your celibacy commitment and unfair to the man. No matter if you’ve told him of your decision to abstain from sex, he’s not going to believe it if you’re rubbing up against him and ooo’ing and ahh’ing. Think he’s going to stop when you say “now stop?” (If you can find the strength to say it, that is.)
In SC, I present what I call the Passionmeter. It helps you see how innocent behaviors can build up and lead to falling off the wagon.
talking → holding hands → eye gazing → sweet talk → kissing → tongue kissing → dancing → grinding → clothes coming off → clothes off → doing the deed (p. 159)
Sistas, you’re not made of stone so don’t lie to yourself that you can engage in sex play but not have sex. If you’re truly committed to abstaining from sex for awhile, then protect yourself, and I’m not talking condoms (although, just in case, have a few around). Don’t do the things or put yourself in situations that will inevitably lead to accidental sex (“I don’t know how it happened, it just happened!”).