Sunday, August 17, 2008

True confessions

Friends, yesterday 2 events conspired to tempt me into giving up my sensual celibacy vow. The current issue of Prevention magazine has an article about the health benefits of regular sex. Specifically, a natural Oxicotyn is released into the system that, well, makes you feel good.

Now that my Estrogen tank is running on near empty, I got to thinking about how nice it would be to have some Oxicotyn (the natural variety) flowing through my veins.

I thought, Maybe it's time to give up sensual celibacy?

Later that evening, I went to the grocery store, and who did I see but the finest man I've laid eyes on in a looong time. Absolutely gorgeous.

I promptly called my sister and told her I'd had it with sensual celibacy. I mean, enough was enough.

In the book I talk about the need for a support team to help when the no-sex times get tough. Thank God I called the right person. She told me to read my blog. Ha!

I'm better today, but yesterday's experience taught me to stay humble. Over time it does get easier, but we're not made of stone. Sometimes you've got to take things one day at a time.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

' Nigerian advises against 86 wives'

BBC News posted a story today about an 84-year-old Nigerian man, a local healer, who has 86 wives and "at least" 170 children.

Yes, that's crazy, and even Mohammed Bello Abubakar doesn't recommend anyone following his example.

Abubakar is interesting, but the wives really caught my attention. I mean, what woman in her right mind would agree to join a harem of 86 women?

One woman said, "I am now the happiest woman on earth. When you marry a man with 86 wives you know he knows how to look after them."

Maybe it's me, but do you detect a bit of the Stepford wife in her comment?

Another said that she married Abubakar when he healed her of a headache. I mean, don't they have aspirin in Nigeria?

Can you imagine having this man as a father? If you're one of 170 kids, when do you get to spend quality time with dad?

170 kids?? That's a lot of sex going on. Do the wives get jealous? When does Abubakar have time to do anything else? I bet there's a lot of wifely celibacy going on. (Maybe they'd be interested in my book, Sensual Celibacy??)

How do you feed such a large family?

What about relations among siblings? My two children fought like crazy when they were growing up. I can't imagine the sibling rivalry in a family where "at least" 169 of your brothers and sisters are vying for dad's limited, elderly attention.

I really am for cultural respect and understanding, but on this one, I fold. I just don't get it.


Friday, August 8, 2008

I don't usually do this, but...

I received this email today and am passing it on, pretty much as it was sent to me. Whether you're Christian or not, this message may be for you.

Subject: Minister With Aids

To those of you who are single or married, saved or not saved, this is for you. I am a 35-year-old African American or Black brother dying of Aids. I would like to share my testimony with you.

I am an owner of a Mortgage Company in Atlanta , GA. I own a 2007 Jaguar and I also own a $350,000 beautiful home in Cobb County .

I have a beautiful Lady who is deeply in love with me and a loving family. But most important, I have Jesus, this is just a wake up call to all single brothers and sisters who are professing to be Christians, but don't want to be complete.

Brothers, I had a beautiful young lady who loves the Lord and worships the ground I walk on. But I still wasn't quite happy because sometimes I would see another sister with a Coca-Cola bottle shape and just wanted to hit it. Because I was using a condom, I thought that I wouldn't catch the killer 'AIDS' but guess what? I did..

And the person I caught it from was a girl that I knew well.

But the condom came off and now I am dying of AIDS. Yes, I wore a condom. But yes it did happen.

God gives us time after time to straighten our lives up. I do know the Lord in the pardon of my sins. I've been saved now for 7 years.

I found out 7 months ago that I had the virus, and now I have full-blown Aids. I really didn't think that I was doing anything wrong, because I would tell the women who I would deal with about the woman I love. I thought that was good enough. But it wasn't.

I am a good man and also a God-fearing man; but my weakness was women... I really wasn't out there like you may think I was, but every once and a while I would see something I wanted to try. My girlfriend is a praying woman. I know now that she was intimate with me because she loved me and she wanted to make me happy.

Now I've given AIDS to the woman I love (who has been faithful to me) because of lust.

Brothers and sisters, what I am telling you is that God is tired of us hurting each other and using each other for self-gratification.

God has given me my home, my dream car and a beautiful woman and I took it all for granted. I've been tithing for 7 years. I am the chairman of my Deacon Board. But when I told my Pastor I had AIDS, he could not believe it because of the way I would carry myself.

Brothers, if you have a sister who loves the Lord and who loves you for who you are and not for what you look like and not for what you have, cherish her.

Sisters. If you have a brother who loves the Lord, love him and cherish him.

My life has been altered. I've been with my lady since I was 20, and I've always used my young age as an excuse for not being loyal and not settling down with the woman I loved. I was being a hypocrite thinking that I was missing something, and not realizing that I had a good woman who loved and adored me.

I wish I had been a real man and had appreciated the good woman God had sent me by not making excuses and dedicating my life to her. I would love to travel and marry this beautiful young Lady, but now I can't.

I've embarrassed my family, my church and my friends. But I was hardheaded and now I must suffer.

God is cleaning up. Stop playing with God. God is revealing the secrets of us Christians. Brothers and sisters, we don't have to have so many 'friends,' you know what we call them. The ones we are planning to sleep with but haven't yet.' We often say that we don't want anyone to know our business, but God is about to reveal something. Especially to us young people.

We think so carnal. But we say that we have been transformed. We have been transformed from what we want to be transformed from. Let's be real. God knows that the opposite sex attracts us. And he knows the desires we have for each other, but we don't have to have multiple partners.

If I could do it all over again, I would marry the woman I love and live happy forever. But now I can't! But you can!

Singles...I gotta tell you, it's not worth it. I love you all!

Get rid of casual sex.

This is really deep. After you've read this, think about yourself. Could this have been you? Some of you may not relate, but think about anything you are doing right now that is not of God.

We are living in the last and final days, and pretending to be saved is not going to cut it. Professing that He is Lord, and yet worshiping the devil every chance you get will lead you to the same path as me. Get your mind out of the gutter and put it in the Word of God and you'll have great success. Don't and you'll have great woe.

I love the LORD and thank Him for all that He does in my life; therefore, I'm passing this on. Yes, I do love Jesus who has forgiven me of the repeated sins. That forgiveness does not cancel out the consequences, at least not so far. But that's on me. Still, the Lord is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each day and is letting me share my story with you.

I'm telling it like it is. THIS REALLY is to help somebody. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without Him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things. Phil 4:13

If you love Jesus, send this to lots of people!!!!!! Be Positive - Be Progressive...Take the time to make a positive difference in someone's life.

Minister Anthony J. Cox

God Bless

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Rebounding vs. sensual celibacy

I've been talking to a friend of mine who's been going through a painful breakup with her ex. They'd been together for 5 or 6 years, and she's having a really rough time.

I think it helps if you don't have to see your ex on a daily basis. Unfortunately, with situations like office romances or parenting, no such luck.

I've always said that I'm not mature enough to have a friendship with an ex. I'd rather a clean break.

Many years ago, when I broke up with an ex, I had to continue dealing with him because of our child. I couldn't run away, although I wanted to. To make matters worse, he soon got married. I wasn't really dating, so you know how hard it is when your ex seems to move on without skipping a beat.

That's what's going on with my friend. Not only is the guy dealing with someone new already, she's young plus my friend sees them together a lot. She feels like he's flaunting his new fling in her face. My friend's a basket case.

I've learned a couple of things from this situation.

1. Breaking up doesn't get any easier as you get older.

2. I knew this already, but my friend's situation has really convinced me that there are no shortcuts to healing a broken heart. It's not an easy message to hear, and for years I wouldn't listen. Not surprisingly I kept repeating the past because I refused to deal with it. If you try and bury the thoughts, memories, and feelings, they'll resurface sooner or later.

3. Although sensual celibacy is the road less traveled, it really is an effective antidote to the heartbreak that often follows breakups and rebounding. I know, I know. Rebounding can be tempting, especially if the guy's some serious eye candy or he's paying you attention, but you and I both know this is a short-term fix. Plus, if this "relationship" ends badly, that's even more bad karma, more bad feelings.

If you're feeling the fresh, painful wounds of a breakup, take a few deep breaths. Having gone through this a few times I'm convinced that this rite of passage separates the girls from the women. If you can endure all the confusion and pain of the moment, you'll begin to see a light at the end of that long, dark tunnel. That light leads to a much more joyful place. Just trust the process, and pray a lot.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Sadness: AIDS rates higher than previously thought

"The number of Americans infected by the AIDS virus each year is much higher than the government has been estimating, U.S. health officials reported, acknowledging that their numbers have understated the level of the epidemic."

Need I mention that Sensual Celibacy is the answer?


Friday, August 1, 2008

The designer vagina

You've gotta read this article: "Australian doctors warn against 'designer vagina' craze."

The designer vagina craze has some women spending their money (on average, $9,500 US) on "dangerous" vaginal surgical procedures, including "vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification," says the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.

G-spot amplification?

"The real risks of potential complications such as scarring, permanent disfigurement, infection, dyspareunia and altered sexual sensations should be discussed in detail with women seeking such treatments." The college says that the surgeries may exploit "vulnerable" women.

The risks are real, but the fact that women are willing to spend the cash and take the chance on their health suggests a complex range of desires, hopes, and fears that are motivating them. Just saying, "Don't get the surgeries" isn't going to solve anything. Just like in the days of back alley abortions, women will find a way, even upon threat of death.

The red flag for me was the mention of revirgination. Virginity is still highly prized, so this procedure would be desired among young women who may have been raped or engaged in premarital sex.

And what about women who were forced to endure female castration? These women are surely justified in their desire for vaginal restoration.

I can understand the reasons why women are willing to risk these procedures, but until they are safe, maybe our cultural values need rethinking.

Ladies, please get your copy of Sensual Celibacy today. I know it may sound paradoxical, but celibacy is a powerful path to feeling healthy and whole about ourselves as sexual beings.