Monday, March 5, 2007

'Hooking up': a really bad idea

The NBC Today Show asked the question, "Can 'hooking up' lead to love?"

Hooking up is defined as having casual sex with no love, no emotional attachment. During the segment, young college women who were interviewed said things like:

"Men do it. Why can't I with no shame or stigma?"

"Hooking up puts me in control of the situation." (Yeah, and if you keep your legs closed, how much more in control of your life will you be?)

"Hooking up validates a woman's attractiveness and sexiness."

Clearly, this movement can come to no good. Any time you need someone else to validate your worth, you're a psychological disaster waiting to happen. You make really bad decisions when you don't know for yourself that you're beautiful and sexy--and that your self-worth is not completely based on your external attributes.

Laura Sessions Stepp, author of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both, said the 1960s free love movement was part of a greater political movement. Not that it was right, but LOVE was still part of the romantic equation. Hooking up, on the other hand, is only about sex without the commitment.

How unfulfilling is that!

As I listened to the women speak, I suspected the motivations of all those who act like hooking up is so much fun. Women who regularly have uncommitted sex are often acting out of left-over pain from past relationships (among other things).

In fact, one woman said that women who hook up are afraid of relationships. They don't trust men. Or they may not have time for relationships because of their focus on education or career.

Bull! I didn't buy it when men said that crap, and I don't believe it now. Hooking up sounds like revenge sex to me. Men are notorious for being afraid to commit, and now women are saying, "Me too!" Men love to say they want to focus on their career, and now women are saying, "Me too!"

Speaking of men, I believe they need us to stay the course of love, relationship, marriage, and family. They don't need us acting like them. Half the time they don't even want to act like them. They need us to give them direction and balance in matters of the heart. Over the years I've heard so many men say that even though they can have sex with no love or emotional attachment, they much prefer sex with women they love. It's much more deeply satisfying. Also, studies report that men who marry are healthier in the long-run than men who simply hook up.

I'm going to stick my neck out and make a prediction: women who have the courage to say no to hooking up will stand a better chance of attracting quality men for love, romance, relationships, marriage, and family.

After all, isn't that what we really want?

Hooking up is self-destructive behavior. Young women who sleep around with men they barely know will end up regretting it. Ask women in their late 30s and 40s who hooked up during their 20s how they feel now. Many will tell you there's no substitute for sex within the context of love and companionship. They regret they waited so long to see the light.

LOVE is the real deal. Laura Sessions Stepp suggested that parents talk about sex within the context of LOVE to their children. I couldn't agree more.

If love hasn't come along yet, then wait to have sex. Waiting is not going to kill you. People think they will die or explode if they don't have sex. You won't die. In fact, abstaining from sex with people you don't know may end up saving your life. Think about it.


Biyolokum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Biyolokum said...

So true. I hope many girls who prefer to hook up read this. In the end they are also hurt.