Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Single mama, where oh where did your inner sex kitten go?

If ever there was a group who needs to activate their inner sexy it’s single moms. Theoretically, married moms are getting at least some attention from their husbands, but how’s a single, celibate mom to find hers?

First, let’s state where she shouldn’t be looking. The untold story of single moms is that they often look to their children, specifically their sons, for attention. No, it’s not consciously sexual (at least it shouldn’t be, sicko), but the need for attention can cross over into unacceptable realms
  • If you’ve ever told your son that his truly lovely girlfriend wasn’t good enough for him, you may need to detach and get a life.
  • If you’re constantly flirting with your teen son’s friends, you need a new circle of friends. That’s inappropriate.
  • If you find yourself sharing intimate details of your former sexual relationships with your children, quit it. You’re grossing them out.

Bottom line, you need to be clear in your mind about the boundaries separating you as an adult woman with sexual needs and you as a mama.

So what about that inner sex kitten? Well, in a perfect world, a smoky look across a crowded room can activate that inner sexy. But if you’re not in a consistent, dependable relationship, relying on casual hook-ups is too much of a distraction from parenting. So, until someone serious comes along, you must look to yourself.

Don’t feel bad. Actually, the more your sexiness comes from within, the stronger your self-esteem. The stronger your self-esteem, the more likely you’ll be able to tell the predators from those truly worthy of your time and attention.

I know I say this all the time, but pampering is an absolute must. Time out for self and adult relationships is critical to sanity. You need to get away from those kids every once in a while!

If sexy is too strong a word for you right now, think sensual. Don’t neglect the things in life that give you sensual pleasure. For example, every once in a while I buy myself flowers. Every time I look at them, I feel a rush of pleasure and satisfaction. Adding touches of sensual beauty in our homes, offices, even cars can go a long way.

How about wearing sexy lingerie or making your bed with soft, satin sheets?

I’ve recently rediscovered Fannie Mae candies, and let me tell you, there are few things on earth more delightful (and medicating) than a walnut covered in dark chocolate. With a glass of wine, that's heaven.

If you’ve forgotten what sex is even about, a lightweight trashy novel might be fun. But this is only for advanced celibates who can handle it and won’t be tempted to go out and have accidental sex.

I’m always looking for fun, sensual ways to keep the inner sexy purring. If you have any creative ideas, drop us a line at

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