Is celibacy time different from sex time? I'm talking perception, of course.
From romance to foreplay to intercourse to afterglow (hopefully), time can pass in an instant. But if the sex is a bore or a chore, you're looking at the little clock on the bedside table while he's pumping away, thinking, "Geez, just come already."
If you're single, you may be thinking, "Will this time in my life ever be over?" You measure time between dates or phone calls from him. You look at the calendar in shock, realizing it's been X weeks/months/years (yikes!) since you last did the wild thang.
Time is relative, but one thing's for sure: the more joy, whether you're having sex or celibacy, the less time feels like watching a pot boil.
" 'Sensual Celibacy' is the benchmark of quality counsel for the would-be celibate -- recommended reading for anyone who is considering putting away the black satin sheets and bachelor- or bachelorette-pad music for a period of erotic introspection." Salon.com
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- Donna Marie Williams
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3 comments:
Hi Donna Marie! Wow, I was so surprised to come across this blog - and I'm so happy b/c I bought your book about a year ago and really enjoyed it. I think at the time, I tried doing a celibacy-fast for a while, but it didn't last long as I still "scooped out" men out of the corner of my eye.
But now a year later.. I recently was deeply hurt by a male UK friend - who I felt like we had this amazing mental/emotional connection for the last several months. We met briefly a couple of years ago and I remember he seemed really interested in me -- then out-of-the-blue he "found me" online early this yr. Since then, we've been exchanging phone calls, emails and were alluding on flying to visit the other later this year. We would talk for hours on end on the phone and online - I don't even know how his phone bill was! We had so much in common and even tho. I didn't expect anything serious, I thought he and I may have been soul mates. But then for some reason, he retracted completely and said he only saw me as a good friend and was completely oblivious to how he led me on.
I was so mad and haven't talked to him since.. but since he hasn't gotten in touch with me... I feel devastated that this happened. I haven't felt this connected to someone in all of my life (even with men who I've dated for a year or more) and I thought for kindred spirits to connect across an ocean meant wonders. I put my trust in him - he knew that I have been hurt in dating - and now he let me down himself. I feel like, due to many circumstances (I'm disabled/sort of.. short-statured, so it's very difficult dating) that I will never find this connection again and I realize I may be single forever.
I've always led a single life and was fine with it (going on single retreats, traveling overseas, going to concerts/theatre on my own).. it was just something I did. But I never pictured it eternally. Now I do and I'm so sad thinking of it... so I told myself I want to be serious about being celibate and really appreciate being on my own.
Yet it's so hard and I feel so sad. At this time, I'm trying to put my faith in god (or whatever energy out there) to help me through this. I also am considering going vegetarian to help discipline my mind. If anything, I want to strengthen my relationship with god and hopefully everything else will follow.
Do you have any advice with this process? I would really appreciate it, especially to hear it from the master who wrote the book herself! Thank you so much for writing your book - as I had also recommended it to a number of my friends, so they thank you too!
Warm regards,
Irene
Hi Irene...can I relate to what you've gone through! I wrote a post today about the power of prayer and forgiveness. I've become a fanatic about forgiveness because I've found it's the only way to let the pain go. If you trust in the process, it will work. Every time you feel an ache in your heart, forgive him. Every single time. Soon, time + forgiveness will heal the wound.
I believe there's someone for everyone. You don't need a ton of dates. You just want the right man for you.
I know how sadness can sap you of all your energy. In addition to prayer and forgiveness, another thing that really has helped me is exercise. Move whatever part of your body that you can.
How are you treating yourself? When you've been hurt it's easy to stay focused on the one who caused the pain. Don't forget to treat yourself to wonderful things -- good books, good friends, good food (not too much) -- whatever makes you happy.
Irene, it's no longer about him. It's all about you!!! :) God bless!!!
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