For love or money?

We all know that 2 of the top reasons why couples split is because of sex and money.

We're seeing a similar split in our society, as reflected in the national campaign for president. Regardless of what the polls may say about who's in the lead, the reality is, the country is split on how to handle the economic mess.

So lately I've been thinking about what I would do if presented a choice between 2 men. Man #1 makes a decent living, and Man #2 is a multi-millionaire.

Let's say I like them both equally, more or less. What would be the deciding factor? Would I chose the multi-millionaire or the middle-class guy? Would it make a difference if I'm making my own money? Would I chose differently during better economic times?

An even better question: Not that I want to be single forever, but I kind of like my single life. Up until now, I've felt that unless a man can offer me a better life than my single one, what's the point?

Would I chose to marry because I was uncertain about my own economic future and I thought one of the men could provide more security and safety for myself and my children?

Is this a moral or practical issue? As a practical issue, can a woman make a decision about love and finances without feeling like a prostitute?

Don't men choose mates based on their belief that a woman will help them build their empire? What's the difference?

Whether wealthy, middle-class, or poor, in a capitalistic society, love and money are intertwined. Back in the day, a woman had few options. She married the man her father told her to marry. Today, we make our own decisions, but are we any smarter about how we go about choosing a mate?

Why is it wrong to consider financial issues along with love and romance? Does that make a woman a gold digger or just smart?

I just made 50 yesterday, and I guess in my older age I'm getting more and more practical, because in my 20's, I would have thought this line of reasoning was an abomination.

Today, I know better. I know how medical issues can make going it alone extremely difficult. Or how the loss of a job can devastate a family if there's no second income to rely on.

One of my suitors and I talked this morning, and he got perturbed because I'm adamant about 2 things in my older age: no sex until marriage (or at the very least a solid contract) and no more broke relationships. I know that sounds cold and calculating, but having married for love and having had sex for love in my younger years I learned that love (or what passes for it) doesn't guarantee that a couple will stay together. But if they have a nest egg and are united in their financial vision (plus love), they stand a good chance.

I wonder, with the economic mess reducing the cash values of pension plans and salaries, how couples will fare.

And I wonder if single women like me will, because of economic hard times, begin to change their approach to love in the future.

Wayne Brady

I can't believe I'm actually writing these words, but Wayne Brady's new CD A Long Time Coming is, well, simply spectacular and aptly named.

I'm in shock because Wayne's public persona isn't all that soulful, but this CD lays to rest the idea that he doesn't have a brother bone in his body. It's there, and it has come out in full masculine R&B lusciousness in the songs on this CD.

There was a hint of the brother within, albeit a gangsta version, on the Dave Chappelle show, when he played a really bad guy. Even Dave was scared of him. It's the juxtaposition of that nerdy smile against the villain that grabbed you in that skit.

But in A Long Time Coming, Wayne is a good guy with a voice like butter. Sexy, but not trying to lick me up and down. Just really nice. The tunes have a smooth, retro R&B feel to them. Very musical, unlike most so-called, alleged "tunes" today. My favorite so far is the remake of Stevie Wonder's "All I Do." Makes me feel happy.

In my book Sensual Celibacy, I urge women to take care about the music they listen to when practicing celibacy. Music is a power. Seductive beats combined with sexually explicit lyrics have probably led to more accidental sex and babies than anything.

While this CD is definitely romantic, it's full of joy, something that's definitely lacking in most modern so-called "music."

Wayne, who knew you had it in you?

A highly effective cold shower

Friends, I don't know about you, but if I'm having panic attacks about money, sex is the farthest thing from my mind.

So if you're struggling with with your celibacy practice and need a stronger dose of sanity than even Sensual Celibacy can provide, try this bit of fearful Argentinian history.

Might Argentina have been the poor canary in the coal mine whose economic song took a decidedly Psycho (scary violins) turn and predicted things to come for the rest of the world?

Instead of worrying about sex today, let's pray.

In fact, have you noticed how, in reporting about the economic mess, the media increasingly uses words like "faith," "confidence," and "fear?" All those technical terms like "derivatives" etc. don't stand a chance against faith, confidence, and fear.

These words tell me that we're the economy. How things go depends on us.

So what will we choose: disaster or a brand new economy that has justice, forgiveness, and mercy baked in?

I began today's entry talking about panic attacks over money, but fear will only reduce the effectiveness of our decision making. More than ever, we need courage.

Just like celibacy must be a choice, we can choose to create a better economy because we are the economy.