Rebounding vs. sensual celibacy

I've been talking to a friend of mine who's been going through a painful breakup with her ex. They'd been together for 5 or 6 years, and she's having a really rough time.

I think it helps if you don't have to see your ex on a daily basis. Unfortunately, with situations like office romances or parenting, no such luck.

I've always said that I'm not mature enough to have a friendship with an ex. I'd rather a clean break.

Many years ago, when I broke up with an ex, I had to continue dealing with him because of our child. I couldn't run away, although I wanted to. To make matters worse, he soon got married. I wasn't really dating, so you know how hard it is when your ex seems to move on without skipping a beat.

That's what's going on with my friend. Not only is the guy dealing with someone new already, she's young plus my friend sees them together a lot. She feels like he's flaunting his new fling in her face. My friend's a basket case.

I've learned a couple of things from this situation.

1. Breaking up doesn't get any easier as you get older.

2. I knew this already, but my friend's situation has really convinced me that there are no shortcuts to healing a broken heart. It's not an easy message to hear, and for years I wouldn't listen. Not surprisingly I kept repeating the past because I refused to deal with it. If you try and bury the thoughts, memories, and feelings, they'll resurface sooner or later.

3. Although sensual celibacy is the road less traveled, it really is an effective antidote to the heartbreak that often follows breakups and rebounding. I know, I know. Rebounding can be tempting, especially if the guy's some serious eye candy or he's paying you attention, but you and I both know this is a short-term fix. Plus, if this "relationship" ends badly, that's even more bad karma, more bad feelings.

If you're feeling the fresh, painful wounds of a breakup, take a few deep breaths. Having gone through this a few times I'm convinced that this rite of passage separates the girls from the women. If you can endure all the confusion and pain of the moment, you'll begin to see a light at the end of that long, dark tunnel. That light leads to a much more joyful place. Just trust the process, and pray a lot.

Sadness: AIDS rates higher than previously thought

"The number of Americans infected by the AIDS virus each year is much higher than the government has been estimating, U.S. health officials reported, acknowledging that their numbers have understated the level of the epidemic."

Need I mention that Sensual Celibacy is the answer?

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The designer vagina

You've gotta read this article: "Australian doctors warn against 'designer vagina' craze."

The designer vagina craze has some women spending their money (on average, $9,500 US) on "dangerous" vaginal surgical procedures, including "vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification," says the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.

G-spot amplification?

"The real risks of potential complications such as scarring, permanent disfigurement, infection, dyspareunia and altered sexual sensations should be discussed in detail with women seeking such treatments." The college says that the surgeries may exploit "vulnerable" women.

The risks are real, but the fact that women are willing to spend the cash and take the chance on their health suggests a complex range of desires, hopes, and fears that are motivating them. Just saying, "Don't get the surgeries" isn't going to solve anything. Just like in the days of back alley abortions, women will find a way, even upon threat of death.

The red flag for me was the mention of revirgination. Virginity is still highly prized, so this procedure would be desired among young women who may have been raped or engaged in premarital sex.

And what about women who were forced to endure female castration? These women are surely justified in their desire for vaginal restoration.

I can understand the reasons why women are willing to risk these procedures, but until they are safe, maybe our cultural values need rethinking.

Ladies, please get your copy of Sensual Celibacy today. I know it may sound paradoxical, but celibacy is a powerful path to feeling healthy and whole about ourselves as sexual beings.

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